In the Shadows

back again and venting

2006-02-15T00:10:00.000-08:00

God I am so sick of the bullshit in my life.... Valentine's Day was yesterday and I didnt get sqat well it started like any other day but atleast for about 3-4 hours I was happier then I thought I would ever be in my life. Only to have it dashed to pieces by the people I live with, they are not happy unless they make everyone around them miserable and I am getting so sick and tired of the bs that I cant stand it anymore ..... my life sucks my online life sucks hell I am so depressed lately that I cant even see straight anymore. I can't stand being around anymore. I am to that point in my life that I wanna just blow my head out and just be done with it. I cant stand living in this hell hole of a life anymore. I have to admit I am glad that I have a few friends that where able to cheer me up a little or I wouldnt even be here to even write in this blog. My beloved darkness and shadows I wish they would just swallow me whole and envelope me so that I dont have to see or feel this pain anymore. This poem states the way I feel right now.

Blackness and despare,
Sorrow and sadness,
Are all the same to me.
My life and and feelings dark as the night.
Deep in the merky waters I lay,
Watching and waiting for the day,
That light will once again shine in my life,
Knowing it will never happen.
So in Darkness I hide
In sleep I shall dream of the light I long for.
In sleep I may remain,
Till my prince awakens me.

Well I am going to stop writing here I am talking everyone's ear off and I am frankly just so damned depressed I am going to go to bed and try to sleep it off and ignore the urge to just shoot myself in the night. See you all tomarrow .... Maybe....

Day 2

2006-01-22T16:34:00.000-08:00

Well Its 7:30 the net is constantly going out and in again so I dont know how much longer I will be on. So far I slept most of the day cause of massive headaches and not getting much sleep during the night. Got some more calls on my business line tho so I guess Its not a total loss. Well I also noticed my gf who was complaining that I am not spending enough time with her would take this net blunder opportunity and actually spend time with me but she is still got her nose stuck in her pc so far Its not even funny. Now she come out here complaining about the net and ohh I am losing my line In downloading on her downloader ohhhh like that is soooo fucking important well I guess Its just a fucking Inconvenience to spend time with me. Well lets see if I ever take time off of what I am doing again to try and fix our relationship. I am not going to bend anymore cause this is bulls hit. Since all she can care about is her stupid downloading maybe I should be a damned downloading program and maybe she will spend time with me then.... sigh.. Well I am done ranting now I will be back tomorrow to write again. Later all.

Hello world

2006-01-21T15:36:00.000-08:00

Today this day this blog is born. Let me start out by giving you a little information about me. I am a 25 year old female that lives in the usa. I am very Bi-sexual, that is by my own choice. Well I have a girlfriend and I love her to death she was the one that suggested that I write a blog or journal so that I could vent and rant rave etc. So here goes. I will update this blog daily and tell you exactly how I feel on that particular day and maybe just maybe feel a little better when I vent. Soon after I get the hang of this blogging thing I may put up pictures and stuff of me and more personal information. Well I am stopping here so that I don't talk your ears off... check back tomorrow for more posts.